When discussing relationships with a friend of mine she stated that she was only comfortable sleeping with one person at a time but did not consider herself monogamous. This is because she admits and accepts that she is currently in love with multiple people. You could ask, is she poly? I say who cares what you call it. The important thing is that she is being real with what is naturally occurring for her.
Whether or not you call it poly, it is important to accept loving multiple people if that is what is really going on. The truth is that (almost) all of us will date and love multiple people throughout our lives. We may break up and not want to be intimate with someone we have dated, but we might never stop loving that person.*
We are brought up thinking that we will one day find "The ONE" with whom we can live happily ever after. It is easy to view every relationship as a search for this one true love. If this is the case you will look at a life full of failed relationships. Looking back on the failures you might ask,Why did it not work? What is wrong with you? What is wrong with them?
What I would offer is the possibility that we can have multiple loving relationships throughout our lives (simultaneous and/or consecutive). Each loving relationship can have it's place in your life. It can give you love, enjoyment and exactly what you need to grow at that time. It does not need to be forever, and it does not need to be a failure.
I invite you to try on this perspective. Every relationship brought you exactly what you needed at that time. The relationship have you some benefit, love, affection, adventure, pleasure. And it showed you where you can grow: difficulties, heartbreak, sorrow. How do your relationships look now? How have you grown from every relationship?
*My experience is that if I have truly loved someone, I cannot stop loving them.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Going Vegan and Fasting
The idea came to me yesterday that being poly is kind of like being vegan or fasting.
It is common knowledge that humans have been eating meat since the beginning of our species. Any nutritionist can tell you that meat provides protein, B12 vitamins, very important nutrients for your body to survive. Why would you deprive your body of what it needs most? I will set aside the political and social needs to speak only to the health effects of veganism. My experience is that when I eat vegetarian and vegan my body is forced to become more efficient. Similarly, my lifestyle is forced to become more efficient. I am an athlete, so if I do not eat a proper meal I will notice it in my workouts and much more severely as a vegetarian than when I am eating meat. I find I become more sensitive to sweets & caffeine. Because of the increased sensitivity, I am forced to become more conscious about my lifestyle.
It is also possible to be vegan in an unhealthy way. You can simply neglect your health, cutting out needed proteins and vitamins and end up grumpy all the time (You know if you have you met one of these vegans). The contrast is even more apparent with the act of not eating. If it is done in a self hating and neurotic way, this is called anorexia. But if it is done in a conscious and loving way, it is called fasting and it causes immense spiritual growth (and detoxifying health benefits).
Most people genuinely want one partner who loves them and cares for them. If this is the case, a polyamorous lifestyle is clearly depriving yourself of what you want. But, like going vegan or fasting, if it is done in a conscious and loving way, it causes growth.
It is common knowledge that humans have been eating meat since the beginning of our species. Any nutritionist can tell you that meat provides protein, B12 vitamins, very important nutrients for your body to survive. Why would you deprive your body of what it needs most? I will set aside the political and social needs to speak only to the health effects of veganism. My experience is that when I eat vegetarian and vegan my body is forced to become more efficient. Similarly, my lifestyle is forced to become more efficient. I am an athlete, so if I do not eat a proper meal I will notice it in my workouts and much more severely as a vegetarian than when I am eating meat. I find I become more sensitive to sweets & caffeine. Because of the increased sensitivity, I am forced to become more conscious about my lifestyle.
It is also possible to be vegan in an unhealthy way. You can simply neglect your health, cutting out needed proteins and vitamins and end up grumpy all the time (You know if you have you met one of these vegans). The contrast is even more apparent with the act of not eating. If it is done in a self hating and neurotic way, this is called anorexia. But if it is done in a conscious and loving way, it is called fasting and it causes immense spiritual growth (and detoxifying health benefits).
Most people genuinely want one partner who loves them and cares for them. If this is the case, a polyamorous lifestyle is clearly depriving yourself of what you want. But, like going vegan or fasting, if it is done in a conscious and loving way, it causes growth.
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