The idea came to me yesterday that being poly is kind of like being vegan or fasting.
It is common knowledge that humans have been eating meat since the beginning of our species. Any nutritionist can tell you that meat provides protein, B12 vitamins, very important nutrients for your body to survive. Why would you deprive your body of what it needs most? I will set aside the political and social needs to speak only to the health effects of veganism. My experience is that when I eat vegetarian and vegan my body is forced to become more efficient. Similarly, my lifestyle is forced to become more efficient. I am an athlete, so if I do not eat a proper meal I will notice it in my workouts and much more severely as a vegetarian than when I am eating meat. I find I become more sensitive to sweets & caffeine. Because of the increased sensitivity, I am forced to become more conscious about my lifestyle.
It is also possible to be vegan in an unhealthy way. You can simply neglect your health, cutting out needed proteins and vitamins and end up grumpy all the time (You know if you have you met one of these vegans). The contrast is even more apparent with the act of not eating. If it is done in a self hating and neurotic way, this is called anorexia. But if it is done in a conscious and loving way, it is called fasting and it causes immense spiritual growth (and detoxifying health benefits).
Most people genuinely want one partner who loves them and cares for them. If this is the case, a polyamorous lifestyle is clearly depriving yourself of what you want. But, like going vegan or fasting, if it is done in a conscious and loving way, it causes growth.
Question: How do you know if you are choosing polyamory in a "conscious or loving way"?
ReplyDeleteI've given this some thought and, to continue your vegan analogy, here's what I've come up with.
Wandering blindly into a polyamorous relationship when you know nothing about it simply because the person you're attracted to is poly is no more conscious a decision than to stop eating meat without knowing anything about your body's nutritional needs or the different ways to meet them simply because your friends are vegan. You have to know who you are, what your needs are, and how, given this lifestyle choice, you plan to get them met. In polyamory it is not your lover's responsibility to meet all or even most of your needs. Nor is it your lover's responsibility to guide you through how to get them met. In veganism, it is not your vegan friend's responsibility to make sure your nutritional needs are met or to teach you how to get them met. In both cases, it is YOUR responsibility.
It seems to me that consciously choosing a polyamorous lifestyle means reading about it, watching how others handle their poly relationships, and knowing yourself before actually getting involved in a poly relationship.
Minx,
ReplyDeleteYes, you hit the nail on the head. Similarly, I have had difficulties when a lover says she wants to be in a relationship with me, knowing I am poly, but she doesn't know how to articulate her needs. And thus suffers from "malnutrition".
There is one thing for sure, it isn't easy but you can learn a lot from it (and have fun doing it).