What is Polyamory?

As defined by Wikipedia: "Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved."

You can check the full article at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory
 
My take on Polyamory is that it is about opening your heart to more than one person.  I'm talking about falling madly, ridiculously, head over heels in love with many people.  I like to spend time with people I love,  I like to give hugs and kisses and yes, this also includes sex.  But it is not only sex*. 

For example, I am in a polyamorous relationship with my housemates.  I would argue that sharing a home with someone is, in many ways, more intimate than sleeping with someone from time to time.  Why not love them?  You get to choose who you live with.  Why not choose people you can fall in love with?  Why not start and finish every day surrounded by people you love?

So are you going to get Married?  The short answer, no (at least not yet). When I talk about love, I am talking about emotional vulnerability and connection with another human being.  I am not talking about making life long commitments.  It's true that I want to have the people I love part of my life for as long as I live, but making plans about that is not what I am going for when I talk about falling in love.

You might say that polyamory is very Buddhist; it requires that you live in the moment.  I don't think Buddhism has a corner on the market of being present, but that's where a lot of people know about the concept.  

Are there limits? Yes.  Increased emotional vulnerability requires increased grounding and increased skill (otherwise you get hurt, ouch!).  I have heard the heart likened to the emperor of the body.  It governs all but is vulnerable.  You do not let just anybody in to see the emperor!  I like to protect my heart and take care of it, but I do not want to imprison it. 

I also have had the experience of what I call emotionally transmitted diseases (ETD's).  When I open my heart to someone I am vulnerable to picking up some of their hang-ups and tensions.  If I am aware of this, the process can be an excellent growth opportunity.  I can be concious of what is going on in me and the ETD which is not naturally occuring in my emotional body is a lot easier for me to process and conquer.  It's like a vaccine.  I can also then bring this energy to my lover and help them to process the hang-up, insecurity etc.  If I am not conscious about this process however, I can pick up a lot of different tensions and insecurities which would have the net effect of destabilizing and weakening my emotional body.  


*It is important to distinguish this from what I call Polyfuckary (PF): having sex with many people.  I don't wish to make judgements about PF, but it's not what I'm into.  

May you benefit from my failures

A little less than a year ago I decided to try out being Polyamorous.  It seemed that if it was appropriate for anyone it was appropriate for me.  It has been a really, really, ridiculously good journey.  I have had fun but I have also made a lot of mistakes.  Fortunately I like to think that I have learned from them.  So I am offering up here my stories and my musings so that others might benefit from my failures.  Enjoy!