Two Girlfriends, One Bed

My housemate asked me last night weather it bothers one girlfriend to be in the same bed that another girlfriend was in the night before.  Her interest was both on the energetic level and the bodily fluids level.

This caused a few things to come up in my response. First off, yes, I change the sheets more often now that I am polyamorous (another cause of personal growth).  And, to answer this fully, I would have to ask my girlfriends.  Jeni, Ella, Rachel, any comments here?

I was, however, able to speak to some of the energetic dynamics.  First off, there is the issue of possession.  Often when we share intimate space with another we want to hold onto that person or situation in an ownership type of way.  This makes perfect sense as intimacy equals vulnerability (to some extent) so it is quite rational to want to keep track and/or "own" the situation where you are vulnerable.  On top of that, we have been socially programmed to accept some amount of ownership over our lover as part of our culture.  This does not work in Polyamorous relationships. 

In poly relationships, the most conducive to health and happiness is to cultivate appreciation and enjoyment for another with the least amount of perceived possession over that person. 

There is also the element of energetic exchange which is integral to emotional intimacy.  When I let down all my barriers to someone, I am open to picking up their joys and their tensions.  I believe in what I call Emotionally Transmitted Disease (ETD's).  If one of my lovers is depressed, or going through a tough time, I am going to be affected by it, and so then will be my other lovers.  There are no condoms for ETD's!

What actually happens (in my experience) is something quite healthy.  Let's say Jeni is stressed about something.  Her and I share intimate space and I pick up some of that stress. I leave, carrying it with me, but I have less of it than Jeni has.  Then I go see Ella, and it is a totally different dynamic.  If there are any stresses, they are not the same as what Jeni was holding.  It is now two against one half; all my stress processing and Ella's stress processing against part of a stress that was generated somewhere else.  Jeni's tension that I hold is completely unable to survive in the loving space that Ella and I share because it's root cause is nowhere to be seen.  My time with Ella is thus very healing for me.  The vulnerable place in me where I picked up some of Jeni's stress is now healed.  I now contain a sort of "vaccine" for that emotional malady. The next time I see Jeni, weather or not she still carries some of that tension, I am more grounded and relaxed in that area.  She can be completely vulnerable with me and I have the groundedness to hold the space for her healing. 

So, again,  I cannot speak for my girlfriends.  But I know what is possible, and my experience is that when my lovers spend time with their other lovers, most of the time they come back carrying a grounded feeling of newness.  And if they carry some stress, it is usually stuff that is easier for us to process.